ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
