At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
