Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
