I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
