i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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