office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
