I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
