the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
