And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
