apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
