Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she looked like the before picture.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ttyl tear gas
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
