the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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