I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
