i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
