u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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