she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
