I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
