Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
