It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
