She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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