WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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