I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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