I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
