She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
