my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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