this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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