If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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