my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
