So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
