No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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