ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
