hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
