tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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