Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i've created a new STD.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize