Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
false alarm, still single
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