just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
