pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
