Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
