That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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