You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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