Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
