This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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