Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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