I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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