i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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