you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
