I am in a vortex of obligation.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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