Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
