So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
