Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
