There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
