do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
