Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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