i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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