Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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