sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
