If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
