Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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