I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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