It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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