Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
