I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we're making bets on your personal life
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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