R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he thought i was a dude.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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