Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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