First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
