It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
