You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
