sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
