Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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