oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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