I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize