it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
