Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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