I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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