Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
